wow halloween came and went pretty fast without me even realizing it. they dont do n e thing for halloween here so i missed out on my greatest sugar high for the year.... damn.... can i just say something.... I HATE O"LEVELS!!!!!.... how the hell are u supposed to have an exam on 8 subjects in my case based on a sylubus which takes 2 years to teach. so these exams basically test you for 2 years worth of knowledge and the rest of ur life is based on this!!!! ahhh thats so crazy....

im starting to get used to CIS .... not like it..... get used to it. the only thing that makes me happy is starring into rajiv's eyes..... man he has nice eyes....sigh...... ok im over it im over it. damn i miss carly. she would understand the importance of eyes. she was like more than my best friend -which she still is- she was like my sister which i never had.... but only even better cause we lived in differnet houses and didnt have to share a bathroom!!!! and the scary part was how alike we grew down to we could be having a conversation and we'd know the next thing that would come out of each others mouth. i miss you carly..... 

ok so im here... in sri lanka that is..... all alone. well not really alone cause im with my mom and my dad's coming soon but..... im not with my friends!!!! god i miss home!!!! im soo sick of this place, i miss... everything. especiallly the little things that i never really noticed. like the way there were no mosquito's, or that they sold oreo's in america. dont get me wrong cause i have major sri lankan pride and respect for the sri lankan culture. i love comming here for vactation and all that sort of good stuff. but what do u expect from a girl who was completely raised in california in an american society. of course im gonna think like an american or have american expectations and standards... isnt that obvious? my mom thinks it should be so easy for me to just fit right in with everybody and everything. i dont think anybody realized how much this has turned my life upside down. i play it off and act like its cool and everythings going fine but inside it's shit! i just want it all to pass by me like it was some sort of bad dream. i just wanna wake up and be home in my bed. i want to go to lincoln high and be with my friends and dance and play basketball. i wanna go to the big bone game, and go out to dinner with my friends before homecoming. i want to go to carly's house on wednesday nights and then go to dance class. i wanna hang out with my aunt till 1/2 passed mid night on a tuesday. i just want my life back. everyday when i wake up its like im expecting something. im waiting for something to happen but i dont know what. its like everything ive know for my whole life has been changed and i have to somehow make do with what i got. all my dreams have to be changed around because my parents suddenly desided " hmmmm i think i like it better in sri lanka.... lets go!"  how selfish is that! HELLO what about your daughter!!! she doesnt want to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  my brothers think they have it hard cause they have to stay with my uncle or grandmother..... well at least u only had to change houses not..... everything .. country,friends,houses,schools,family,......everything. i just wanna come home. i feel like im standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming and nobody notices. i falling deeper and deeper into a hole where theres no way to get back up...because i have no choice in this matter. no choice